Stop Relying on Others and Become Your Own Trusted Advisor
When we face a challenging situation, we often feel anger, overwhelm, discomfort, stress, or any mix of negative emotions.
It can leave you feeling powerless. Or push you to act impulsively.
Neither path is sustainable. One leads to inaction, the other to undesired outcomes.
And in both cases, the issue remains unresolved, and the stress just compounds.
So, what do we often do next?
We turn to friends or family, hoping for validation that our discomfort is justified, or seeking advice to make sense of it all. Sometimes we don’t even want advice, we just want someone to confirm that our situation is as miserable as it feels.
But here’s the problem: they most likely don’t see the real issue.
And truthfully, you might not either.
Because the first problem is rarely the real challenge.
It’s often just a surrogate conflict. Something that touches a deeper layer within you.
That realization is powerful.
It means that these difficult moments can become teachers - opportunities to learn, grow, and find your own path forward.
And it all begins within you.
1. Ask yourself what the real challenge is for you.
It’s rarely the surface-level problem; it usually runs deeper.
Keep asking until you reach that moment of recognition:
Yes, this is it. This is what’s making me feel stressed, overwhelmed, or uneasy.
Journal prompts to explore this:
What about this situation feels most uncomfortable for me?
When have I felt this way before?
What part of me feels threatened, unseen, or not in control?
What might this challenge be trying to show me?
2. Ask yourself what you want instead.
Take your focus back to you.
This is how you find your foundation for action and growth.
Journal prompts to explore this:
How do I want to feel instead of how I feel now?
What would resolution or peace look like in this situation?
What’s one small step I could take to move closer to that?
What value or boundary of mine needs to be honored here?
You can also use this approach to gently support your loved ones.
When someone close to you faces a challenge, try asking these same questions.
Sometimes, clarity is the best gift you can offer.
And if you’d like, you can simply share this episode with them. ♡
A quick note of caution:
Not every problem hides a deep-rooted challenge. In today’s world of constant self-improvement, it’s easy to overanalyze and turn every discomfort into a healing project.
Please don’t. You’re not a project, you’re a person.
You’re already whole and wonderful.
This is simply a guide for those moments when you notice recurring patterns. When you keep running into the same kind of wall. That’s usually a sign there’s something deeper asking to be understood before you can move forward.
Giving credit: I first learned this way of questioning from Michael Bungay Stanier, who beautifully explains it in his TED Talk, “How to Tame Your Advice Monster.” I’ve linked it for you below - it’s well worth a watch.
I hope this episode was valuable to you, and that it helps you turn inward before seeking validation or advice from others.
You already have the answers within you. ♡
Take care.
Love,
Lexie.
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