How to Build a Life You Actually Dream Of: The Value-Based Living Guide
Do you ever look at someone else’s life - a mentor, a friend, or even a public figure - and think, “That’s it. That’s what I want”?
Many of us follow a plan based on these external images. We chase a “life design” that looks successful from the outside, but once we get there, we find ourselves feeling burnt out and disconnected.
The secret to breaking this cycle isn’t working harder; it’s changing the question you ask yourself.
1. Life Design vs. Lifestyle
The biggest mistake busy, ambitious women make is chasing a life design without considering the lifestyle required to maintain it.
Life Design: The “hero state” - the accolades, the house, the specific career title.
Lifestyle: The day-to-day reality - the hours worked, the level of stress, and the time left for self-reflection.
If you want the life of a high-powered executive but your core value is peace, the lifestyle required to stay there will eventually lead to burnout.
2. How to Identify Your True Values
To build a life that feels as good as it looks, you must identify your non-negotiables. Your values.
Use these three questions:
The Envy Audit: When you feel a “ping” of jealousy toward someone else, what specifically are you envious of? Is it their status (Life Design), or is it the fact that they seem to have slow mornings and creative freedom (Lifestyle/Values)?
The Energy Gain Test: Look back at your last week. Which activities made you feel most like “yourself” - even if they were small? These moments often point toward your values, like connection, creativity, or independence.
The Legacy Question: If you had all the “success” you ever wanted tomorrow, how would you spend a Tuesday? Would you be working, resting, or exploring? Your answer reveals the values you should be building around today.
For example, my strongest lifestyle values are freedom and independence. Every decision I make is filtered through these two words.
3. The Mini Life Audit
You don’t need to flip your entire life upside down today. Instead, conduct a quick audit of your current “Zero State” to see where the gaps are:
The Time Audit: List your top 5 daily activities. Next to each, write down which value it serves. If “scrolling” or “answering emails at 10 PM” doesn’t serve a value, it’s a candidate for a boundary.
The Yes/No Check: Think of the last three things you said “yes” to. Did you say yes because of a perceived “successful facade,” or because it genuinely aligns with your desired lifestyle?
The Physical Symptom Check: Are you experiencing irritability, fatigue, or dissatisfaction? These are often the first signs that your daily lifestyle is in direct conflict with your inner values.
4. Making the Shift
Building an intentional life is a modular process.
Audit Your Routine: Look at your current habits. Do they reflect your values or someone else’s expectations?
Practice Mindful Productivity: Learn to say “no” to demands that don’t serve your ultimate goal of fulfillment.
Design Your Rituals: Start with small wins, building your unique morning ritual staples, to reconnect with yourself before the day’s demands take over.
Your Next Step
If you are tired of living a life that looks great on paper but feels exhausting in reality, it’s time to stop looking at who you want to be and start looking at how you want to live.
Take care.
Love,
Lexie.